Trip Knitting Without a Guide

Perhaps we as knitters have devoted too much time to obsessing over needle standardization and yarn weight standardization, but not enough time obsessing about the really important knitting questions. No, we haven't spent enough time on those inscrutable knitting questions that have a far greater impact on knitter mental health. The great mystery of how much knitting is too much knitting to take on a trip is a great example. I have no good answer. Unlike the whole, how big is too big for your knitting bag that would probably spawn disagreements on the level of natural vs synthetic fibers, quantifying how many projects to take on a trip would save relationships; irate incidents at the airline check-in line; tears and weeping when the suitcase won't close and you haven't packed your clothes; and energy spent in obsessing that could be used more constructively knitting, finding the cure for cancer, or creating world peace.

In a perfect world, there would be a little brochure similar to the ones produced that tell you how long to knit a sock to fit a shoe size 8 foot or how much yarn to buy to knit a kid a sweater. If you are going to a family reunion lasting four days you will require 2 pairs of socks, a vest, and one Guinness. If the reunion is with the in-laws, you will require 4 pairs of socks, a shawl, a hat, and a bottle of Jack. Cruise any length in the Caribbean: 1 pair of socks. Honeymoon: Have you lost your mind?

I will confess I take too much of everything on most trips. I take one, too many books; two, too many notebooks; and three, too many projects. Hubby's observation is that most families of four could vacation for a week on what we take for a long weekend. My observation is only if they don't care if they run out of reading material, knitting, or leaving a last will and testament written by hand. If my anxiety about a trip is completely out of control, I will take my gigantic knitting bag filled with book, knitting projects and writing materials. The sole reason I have not answered the siren call of Survivor is that I would only get one personal item. Are they complete sadists?

As a child, my family did not have cable, Nintendo, or a VCR. We did have t.v. I know that some of you are wondering how we managed to survive. Well, to survive we read and did other things - like knitting - and we liked it. Going to the Grandparents was a little bit more entertaining. My paternal grandparents lived on a farm, so when the boring soap operas were on in the afternoon, we would leave the house for farm follies. We could pretend to drive tractors, pretend to live in castles with secret passages that smelled suspiciously like a tobacco or livestock barn, run around like little hellions, and get in to some not so clean trouble. After being literally hosed off at night, however, there was no going outside to play, so once again knitting and reading became distractions of the evening. As my grandparents lived 15 minutes to the main drag and another 20 minutes to the nearest Wal-Mart, there was no hope of getting more yarn or those little, loopy things for weaving potholders. So we stocked up for the trip and took everything to keep from running out and being doomed to sit and watch geezer t.v. and listen to geezer stories. Believe me you can only hear about the exploding paint can, the farting mule, the crazy neighbor across the road, the great uncle who got it with and iron skillet when he came home one night drunk and mean, and who lived on what piece of property so many times when you are 6 or 7 before you start thinking adults are the most boring people on the face of the planet.

Now I worry about running out of knitting for entirely different reasons. When I am knitting, I can keep somewhat to myself, thereby reducing the probability of dropping a conversational death bomb. People seem to be more interested in the knitting than asking for my opinion on a subject. Asking me for my opinion has been known to have its hazards.

For example:

Me without knitting: Relative: "Schmulsheimer will never be elected governor because he doesn't celebrate Christmas. What do you think?" Me: "I didn't realize that maxing out your credit cards, killing a perfectly good tree, and eating until you can't breathe to celebrate conspicuous consumption in the name of Jesus' birth were so important to understanding the workings of state government. I must have slept through that day in civics class. Thank you for enlightening me. How could I have been so wrong?"

Me with knitting: Relative: "What are you knitting?" Me: "A pair of socks from self -striping wool from Germany. I got this on vacation and haven't had a chance to knit it up."

The world is a much better place when I am knitting. When I am holding some yarn and needles in my hands, I am able to believe that the people I am related to by blood and marriage are pleasant beams of sunshine and happiness 100% of the time; there will be a cure for cancer; hunger will be eliminated and peace will reign on earth. Not a bad reason to want to have enough knitting around.