Dear Mr Obama:
Congratulations on your new job. Sorry about the longest job interview in recent memory, but that’s the way things go sometimes.
I know you have been getting lots of advice by the experts in the news media, political pundits, colleagues, and loved ones. I am sure that these people mean well and I would like to think they have your best interest in mind. Still, they aren’t your employer, 355,299,999 other Americans and I hold that title. So I feel that I have the right to a couple of minutes of your time.
If I may be so bold, I would like to make a suggestion that will help you solve the economic crisis, end dependence on foreign oil, and win the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. My suggestion is to include lots of Knitters and Fiberistas in your administration.
Before you dismiss me as one of those wackos on par with the flat earthers, Sasquatch hunters, and Bermuda Triangle escapees, please hear me out.
Knitters and Fiberistas have unique abilities and insights not common in your run of the mill advisors. Now pick yourself up off the floor, wipe those tears from your eyes and stop your laughing. You didn’t get where you are today by not believing the improbable.
What is mere economic theory to most Americans is everyday reality to our community.
Knitters and Fiberistas can help with economic policy because we are greatly affected by the fluctuation in the value of the dollar. You see, many of us like to knit socks with German and Canadian yarns. Quite frankly, since the value of the dollar has been swirling the toilet bowl, it has made me quite angry because it has caused me not to be able to get the sock yarn I need at the prices I can afford. I am not alone.
The Fiberistas among us are having difficulty affording one of the more popular spinning wheels on the market because it is made in Canada. Since the value of the Canadian dollar is now relatively equal to that of the US dollar, fewer can afford to spin their own yarn.
We also understand about supply and demand. There only has to be a rumor of Wollemeise availability to create a cybertraffic surge to a web vendor. Until you have sat at knit night and heard strategies for procuring this Holy Grail of the knitting universe, you truly do not understand the law of scarcity in economic theory.
When it comes to ending our reliance on foreign oil, we are an overlooked community . Knitters and Fiberistas can tackle this issue at every level from supply to demand.
The Fiberistas among us spin wool into yarn. To achieve this amazing feat requires a spinning wheel. The same energy generated to twist the wool into yarn can also generate electricity. Using a minimal amount of effort and ingenuity, every spinning wheel could be modified to include a small generator that could be plugged into the electric grid. Every time we sat at our wheels to spin, we would be able to send some electricity to the grid. I have no doubt that we could generate enough electricity to supply a small town with all of its needs.
To help reduce demand, we would outlaw those flimsy socks people buy at the Mega Lo Mart and replace them with hand knit, wool socks. Once the public at large realized how warm and snuggly wool socks are, they would start demanding other hand-knit, wool products. Since these products keep you warmer than most other materials, people wouldn’t need so much heating and fuel oil in the winter to keep themselves warm.
A number of these wool garment converts would realize instead of buying the finished item, they could make them. Staying at home in the evenings would become the norm, meaning fewer nighttime outings requiring less gasoline for automobiles. As a side benefit, it would reduce green house gases and help reduce global warming. A further side benefit would be employment of more writers as people would start demanding television networks have better programming instead of the latest installment of “My boyfriend slept around, so now I am too so I can get back at him” or “Our family is so dysfunctional we want to swap some of our family members with some equally dysfunctional family.” or, my favorite, “Survivor: Diarrhea Island”.
Now for the toughie – ending the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. The reason these wars have gone on for so long is because we didn’t understand the nature of the conflicts. Each of these countries has large numbers of people of different ethic origins, religious beliefs, and political beliefs who have difficulty staying in the same room with each other, much less being able to talk to each other long enough to all row in the same direction.
Knitters and Fiberistas know this. In any given knit night group there are different political and religious beliefs, the straight vs. circular argument, natural vs. synthetic (and if you think those camps aren’t as divided as the Sunni Shiite debate, you haven’t been around Knitters and Fiberistas).
What we need is to mobilize knitting volunteers to start knit nights in every neighborhood, village and city in both countries.
Aside: As a bonus, we will throw in the capture of Osama Bin-Laden for free. Anyone who has ever been to a knit night knows that it is the best intelligence gathering venue. People talk at knit night because the people there listen. I am sure Bin-Laden is a crappy boss who offers crap pay, crap vacation, and crap health and dental. There is bound to be some disgruntled employee willing to talk without needing to use water-boarding, sleep deprivation, or naked man pyramids. Hey, we will even train some “interrogators” for free. They have to bring the wine and snacks. We will supply the yarn and needles.
It might sound dangerous to give people with generations held enmity pointed sticks and string and put them in a room together, but it is the only way. Sharing the struggle of learning to knit a cabled sweater can aid the healing. Once people realize that they can share common ground over knitting, they can transfer that knowledge to other aspects of their lives and culture.
Lest you think this is simplistic, the truth is that shared struggle is the only thing that works to see your enemy as your ally and as a human being who wants the best for their children, too.
Come to think of it, having the pilot project here might not be a bad idea. Perhaps it will help us to think of each other, regardless of race, ethnicity, creed, religion, political philosophy, sexual orientation, education, urban, rural, age, or gender, as real Americans who love their children and want to leave them a country that values freedom from want, oppression, and pessimism with freedom of expression, religion, and opportunity.
I know that smile on your face. It is the same smile I get when I am thinking the person standing before me is so naïve about how the world works. I am not naïve.
The truth is, Knitters and Fiberistas understand hope. Only someone with hope would buy 1000 yards of string and believe that with effort it can become a shawl of such aching beauty and delicacy it can pass through a wedding band, yet keep the wearer warm. Only those with hope would sit down with someone who says they aren’t good with their hands and transform them into a knitter or a spinner. Hope is what takes a mountain of fleece and spins it into yarn to clothe friends and family. Hope is believing some small action repeated over and over, thousands of times can make something beautiful and strong that will last for generations, like an heirloom shawl or sweater.
You see, Mr. Obama, while you have proclaimed a message of hope, our community has lived it. We stand ready to share our hope with anyone over two sticks, some string, or a bag of fleece.
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