I've Hit the Trifecta

Between the whole house thing, the sick hubby thing and the swine flu thing it has been quite a week.

My journey towards homeownership keeps trudging along. We are still hopeful that we will close at the end of the month. Of course finding the house and getting all the negotiation has been a small part of the process. Now I am awake nights thinking about paint colors, decorating, packing, and all the stuff that has to be done to move into said house. At least it has a hot tub.

Unfortunately do not have ownership and access to hot tub. Of no use until dramafest is over and then not as much use. Already regret homeownership as benefits are useless to me now and only pain of homeownership in foreseeable future.

Have come to believe same psychology in homeownership as with parenthood. All those people who haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since conception suffering from sleep deprivation euphoria and proselytizing for their cult. If conception part were less enjoyable, no one would join cult. Have no idea how homeownership cult works or how sucked in. Too late now. Have become pod person. At least am pod person with hot tub.

Sick Hubby has assisted the sleepless nights by coughing in my face and in my general direction since Saturday. I have learned that this is worse that the loud coughing that wakes me up at 3 a.m. Unable to work as Hubby spends all day “working” from home and texting me every time he takes his temperature. Ability to work is further complicated by Hubby’s endless texting obsession with homeownership countdown.

I am counting down the days of the incubation period to determine when and if I will be able to return the favor. Am beginning to regret commitment to vaccinations against bugs as makes payback more difficult.

Work is dominated by war against swine flu. Downstairs vaccine fridge was star on local t.v. news as filmed the lack of adequate vaccine in an effort to appease public and ask for patience. Downstairs fridge now demanding fan mail and all access to be negotiated through her agent – the upstairs vaccine fridge.

I will be getting vaccinated tomorrow. Elected to have the dead virus shot instead of live virus nasal spray. Was certain that if I took the live virus that it would mate with the three half dead viruses in the seasonal vaccine and mutate into super flu. Have no desire to be patient zero for next pandemic flu.

Currently fighting the urge to make self a foil helmet to combat looney brain waves from conspiracy theorists regarding swine flu vaccine. Apparently all other medical technology has been allowed to innovate and progress except vaccination technology. The reason for delay in swine flu vaccine is the need to wrestle infected pigs to ground and scrape infected ick from them to then directly infect humans by scratching them with some crude implement a la Edward Jenner and small pox.

Must take possession of house and hot tub soon to preserve sanity and good nature.