Colored Christmas Light Catastrophe of 2010

I am sitting in my living room, drinking a cup of tea in my pjs and thick, fluffy socks watching a horror movie. Probably not the best plan as I have already scared myself twice. I scared myself once when I went upstairs to the bathroom. That almost had disastrous results requiring a carpet cleaning. The second time, I nearly died when I saw my own reflection in the window in the kitchen while making a cup of tea.

It probably has something to do with the fact I am enjoying my Christmas lights. The tree is beautiful. I bought a pre-lit one and then had to mess with things. The tree had only white lights on it, which is what I thought I wanted. Then I plugged it in and decided that not only did I want a tree with colored lights on it, but I also wanted a tree with more lights on it.

The first attempt was great until three quarters of the way up the tree. I noticed a single light was burned out. It did not affect the rest of the lights. No one would have noticed it, except me and perhaps my dad. Actually no perhaps about it, he would have noticed. Then we would have had the whole, how much that sucks that one light was burned out in the string and how it made the tree’s ratio of green lights to blue, yellow and red off. So, I decided that I would find a new, green bulb and plug it in.

What seemed so logical and simple resulted in another two hours of hell known as the Colored Christmas Light Catastrophe of 2010.

I removed the dud light. Then all the lights past that point went dark. Yeah. This should have been the first clue that something had gone horribly wrong. I ignored the truth and plugged the new green light in the socket. Nothing. Thinking that perhaps there was something wrong with the electricity, I unplugged the lights and plugged them back in with only 75% success. Then I thought perhaps there was something wrong with the plug. I unplugged the lights and then plugged them back in. Again, I only experienced 75% success.

At this point Hubby comes in and remarks, “That sucks that those last few lights don’t work. I guess you will have to take them off the tree and start again.” I think I said something like “Jeepers!” but I don’t remember.

I took the lights off the tree and pulled out another string. I asked for Hubby’s assistance. He obliged with decent humor. We made it halfway through the string before realizing that the prongy plug was at the top and the prong-free plug was at the bottom. There was some prolonged discussion as to the responsible party for the error. Some observations were made about the ability to string Christmas tree lights by both parties. We reached détente by agreeing to correct the error and move on.

Two hours after I started, the tree had lights and tinsel. Yeah! The next morning my mom helped me finish hanging the ornaments and putting the candy canes on the branches.
I enjoy the holidays, but I am really beginning to understand why people hire things like tree decorating, gift shopping and present wrapping out.

I used to think these were the types of jobs generated by the idle rich. Now I know that these jobs form an integral part of our holiday economy and help reduce the seasonal divorce rate. I am adding them to my Jobs To Be Hired Out to Preserve Sanity. I think I will put them at spots 15, 16, and 17 on the list – after packing, moving and house painting and before ironing, oven cleaning and defrosting the fridge.