How You Know That the Company Screwed the Pooch

Generally, I am not an early adopter of technology. I have the mistaken impression that when I get a piece of technology that when I turn it on, it should work as expected. My expectations are not that it will make me rich, fly, a superhero, or the Queen of Sheba. No. My expectations are that that said piece of technology will function as advertised. If it is an MP3 player, I should be able to turn it on and hear my music. If it is a laptop, I should be able to turn it on, check my e-mail, write, or play Majong or Spider Solitaire. If it is an e-reader you should be able to read your books on it.

Additionally, when you are given that little message to update your device's software and you do so, your device should still work.

My expectations are so simple as to be complicated. When I updated the software on my e-reader, it was a complete and utter disaster. I would not have been so upset had it not been for the fact that I was prompted to update my device a mere two days prior to the release of the final book in the Steig Larsson trilogy. The final book that has been available in Europe for months (bastards). The final book that I have thought about once a day until I forced myself out of denial and realized that May 25th would not come any sooner just so I could get the book (damn it). Now, due to my e-reader failure, I would be forced to buy it in a bookstore. Not that I really care about that part, mind you, it is just so inconvenient when you are dying for a book. I mean, you have to get in a car and everything. What a pain in the butt.

Also, if you know me well, you also know that a bookstore for me is like going into some kind of Nirvana. I barely make it out of there with only two books in my hands, much less just the one I went in to buy.

But I digress....

So, I send an e-mail to manufacturer of said e-reader, explaining to them that now their software won't even say as much as "Hello, now go screw yourself" to my computer. I also explain, lest they think I am totally incompetent that I have done everything according to Nerd Hubby's protocol and things aren't working any better. I get standard "We'll get back to you within 24 hours" response. Lo and behold later in the day I get a response. I am giddy. I get on my machine and follow the instructions. Nothing. Now at this point I am getting a bit peeved. I can't possibly be the only person this is happening to, or can I?

I do what no human wants to do. I do what no human will do if they have any other option. I do what no sane human who wants to maintain their sanity will do. I called the 1-866 number. Yes. I. Did.

After my call bounced around the globe and landed in Bulgaria (Just for sake of argument. The gentleman who finally answered my call didn't sound Sub-Continent Indian, and my ability to differentiate between the Balkan accents is rather limited.)

Then I heard the phrase that is a signal to anyone calling a help line that the company screwed up and have annoyed many millions of their customers ... "We are receiving a higher than expected call volume. Please stay on the line and your call will be answered in the order it was received."

That one phrase told me I was not alone in the universe. That one phrase told me that I was not too incompetent to press the download and install upgrade buttons on my computer. That one phrase told me that some nameless, faceless person had probably had their worst week ever at work because they screwed up a simple upgrade. I did not feel sorry for them. No, I did not.

So, little dude on the phone fixed my problem. Today I was able to get my book.

I didn't start reading it, yet, because I had lunch with my mother-in-law. If I started it, I would have been willing to feign the worst case of diarrhea in the Western hemisphere to stay home and read it. I would have said, "I don't mind going, but with this explosive diarrhea I might not make it without having an accident in the car." She would have understood and I would have accumulated some bad daughter-in-law karma. I have accumulated enough bad karma that I am afraid to have children as they will all have colic, reflux, and bad gas.